How Mukuro Rokudo Got out of Vendicare
by L'sCoffee
Summary: Vendicare Prison, the most impenetrable stronghold in the world. The only person to have ever broken out was Mukuro Rokudo... Or did he? Here is the truth of how the Kokuyo Gang got out of prison, it wasn't due to Mukuro's plans, terrorism, an inmate uprising, or even bribery... It was all thanks to Dino Chiavarrone's cowardliness. Pure 100% Crack
1. 1 The Prelude

How Mukuro Rokudo Got Out of Vendicare

Valentines day was synonymous with Doomsday in Italy... At least for the men.

The cheery, peaceful girls would morph into **_rabid beasts_** who would stop at nothing to deliver their drugged homemade chocolate to their target of affection.

One this day, many a handsome man would travel in a mass exodus out of the country, recent polls show that the Antartica was ranked most popular destination, seconded only by the Siberian wilderness. Those who couldn't leabe the country due to some inane reason would go into hiding. In a bunker, out to sea, in the mountains, or even in prison, these hunted men would seek refuge anywhere with a lack of women.

Heck, some even got themselves purposely arrested to gain **some** kind of protection from the girls.

And that, was exactly what Dino Chiavarrone did.


	2. 2 11th February

Any resemblance to persons or events are a coincidence.

Disclaimer: If I owned this, it wouldn't be called Fan FICTION!

* * *

11th February 20xx, 11:30pm...

"Alright, now all that's left is to check the perimeter before we can all hunker down for the week."

Weak cheers made it to his ears, giving a smile at the tired group, the right hand man went off to what resembled the front lines of a battlefield.

Romario was doing some last-minute checkups before setting the mansion into lock-down mode where thick metal plates would block up each and every doorway. The old Neo-Classical building was surrounded by a 10 meter high wall of reinforced concrete, complete with barbed wires on top, in front of that was a series of trenches loaded with booby traps. Behind the wall, the mansion was relatively unchanged, except for the bricked up bulletproof windows. Sure the glass could withstand a Gatling gun (_or so the dealer said_), but it didn't hurt to be careful. Inside, the once magnificent safe hallways were now equipped with hidden turret guns at every intersection, traps were installed into every room, poisoned needles were set to shoot out of lamps and spikes not unlike those found in RPG Dungeons were ready to pop out of the floor.

Hidden security cameras would allow the Mafioso to detect the persistent few who made it into the mansion alive and prepare for them.

Truly the family went all the way for the sake of their precious boss's safety.

The state-of-the-art system would hopefully make sure that not even the most determined of fangirls could get through to Chiavarone Decimo.

Unlike last year where after a long hard chase on the Norwegian Sea followed by a cross-country adventure through the Siberian wilderness, pass the Gobi Desert, a brief spiel of guerrilla warfare in the streets of Beijing where the poor boss was accidentally stuffed into a box and sent to America, his tired men found him gagged and bagged in Las Vegas _(Dino was one lucky guy, a few seconds later and he would have been married by Elvis!_).

After the incident, the Chiavarone Famiglia vowed never to underestimate women, or any other female, ever again. The chase had put the most part of their 5000 strong force into hospitals and Dino had to undergo therapy to get rid of his fear of women and buckets (_No one really found out what happened to him during the time he was gone...)._

But honestly, Valentines day wasn't always as dangerous for him.

When Dino stepped up and became the boss of the famiglia, he also managed to surprise a lot of the people.. namely the women.

Clumsy No-Good Dino had suddenly transformed into someone befitting the of the title Chiavarone Decimo!

He was no longer tripping over air,_ ("Pipsqueak Dino, make sure you always have one of men around, fool.")_.

He lost the stutter,_ (Reborn blew it out of him, literally)_.

His posture was now straight and tall, filled with authority,_ (Reborn made him walk tightrope across the Grand Canyon and would shoot a Leon!Bazooka at him every time he slouched)_.

He was now accepting the position instead of denying it like he has been for the last 5 years,_ ("I'll be here for as long as it takes to turn you into a mafia boss!" At that moment, Dino realized that Reborn was never going to give up and that he might as well accept his fate)_.

And most importantly, under the short time he has been boss, Dino had revitalized the family coffers, repaid their debts and turned the Chiavarone Famiglia into the third most powerful Mafia family in Italy.

All in all, he was a great catch.

And so, every year after that, the attempts on Dino's heart/life grew to epic proportions. To the point where the Ranking Prince had crowned he as most wanted bachelor boss in Italy!

Sighing, Dino twirled around on an office chair.

He never understood what made women so horrifying during that day. Did the universe send out cosmic radiation that affected their hormone levels or something? Maybe it's the marketing campaigns...

Dino was currently in the deepest part of the mansion, the last stronghold, the 'End Boss Room' as it was jokingly named by his men. Here were the necessities needed for him to last for an entire month in the underground bunker. After Romario finishes the last patrol, he and the other members of the inner circle of the family would be deadlocked into the place. A timer made and bought, for an extremely high price, from a certain Arcobaleno would make sure that no external or internal forces could open the door. In short, a failsafe in the case some rabid woman made herself down here.

_'Like that Tokarev girl last year... Or that Ming woman the year before that... Oh Dio... What if that Magdalia [1] comes!? NO! No.. Calm down... She's in Vendice... That's the most secure prison ever... Yup... You'll be safe Dino... Just calm down... Pet Enzo, calm down...'_

Shivering and hugging himself like a PTSD victim, Dino made his way over to the kitchen area. The bunker was basically an underground home, completely furnished with a kitchen, living room, 4 bedrooms and a bathroom, it was pretty opulent compared to most spartan bunkers.

Slowly preparing some tea, Dino's mental pep talk worked as he went through the motions of tea brewing. Italian coffee was peerless but after visiting his self-proclaimed little brother, Dino had grown a liking to tea. It was calming. Making his was back to the chair, Dino sat down, posture perfect ( it was a known fact that Reborn could sense Dino's mistakes even on the other side of the world), waiting for Romario's return, he glanced at the others waiting in the loving room.

Ivan sprawled across the couch, seemingly dead to the worlds. Across from him was Bono, who was making last minute calls to his friends before the lock-down cut off the phone line.

A click rung out as the heavy vault like door swung open, stepping through a Mafioso in a black suit walked up to Dino.

"Sir. All preparations are ready," Romario saluted his boss,"we are ready to begin the lock-down."

Spinning around to face his most loyal subordinate, Dino smiled to the first time since the month started.

"Excellent..."

To be Continued...

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[1] - M.M., her true name was never revealed so... yeah... The backstory is Magdalia changed her name to M.M. to prevent the Chiavarone+ co. from hunting her down again. She did A LOT of things the other Valentines you see... not that it's relevant.

Woo! I finished! One chapter down... Some more to do!

Honestly this fic was inspired by Episode 18 where Lambo shows up covered in blood and Bianchi's own LOVE-personality

That and the fact that if you think about the timeline, Mukuro and the others should have escaped around this time.

Ivan and Bono are not OCs according to the wiki, but the girls mentioned were...

I'll try to get this all posted up before Feb 14th but... No promises ~

I always seem to get the most motivated the night before my unfinished homework is due...

Thank you to the following who followed/favourited/reviewed:

NicaeaMonochromeDreamEater

The Shards of Amarante

anime'sguest

westwindwalker

CrinsonSkyTamer

Please Review!~


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